MISSION: ABORTED

I went to see Dr D yesterday and once again left with my ears and tail drooping. This cycle is a SNAFU. I am so upset. Sometimes I think Dr D forgets what he is doing with each of his patients and why, which is completely understandable. I mean the guy is the best in the area, and he sees lots of patients. But I wish he would read his notes before coming into appointments just to refresh himself on what we're doing with my cycle and why.

My plan for this to be our last medicated cycle has been tossed out the window, as has the IUI.

So Dr D told me last week that letrozol worked just like chlomid and that I would produce multiple follies without all of the side effects, so I went ahead with it, expecting chlomid-like results. In my sono yesterday Dr D was all excited because I had one follicle. WHAT?! I make one follicle on my own just fine every month. I think he forgot that bit. We are doing chlomid/letrozol to INCREASE the number of follies and our chances of pregnancy.

Then he told me I was lucky and was ahead of the curve because I actually had two. Wait, WHAT?! Then he told me that one of them didn't look so good, and of course it was the bigger one, so he's hoping that the better, smaller one pulls ahead and ends up being the one to release.

WHAT?!

I am going through another medicated cycle that just got tossed out the window, and I'm pissed!

When I told him about our desire to do IUI, he told me that would have to wait until next cycle because he would want to do injectibles to give us our best opportunity, which I don't understand because I had 8 follies last month. Why do I need to boost my follicle count further with injectibles? Regardless, with one egg this month, IUI is out of the question.

Dr D offered to get us free meds to do injectibles and to eat the fees associated with a medicated cycle, which is great. Except I draw the line at injectibles. Have all along. At first I told him sure, but then I told him I wanted to talk to my husband first because I am not so keen on the idea myself.

Hubs and I had a talk over IM as soon as I got to work and we have decided to pull the plug on this cycle (like we have a choice). I told him I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to cycle past this year, and that I wanted this cycle to be our last because I didn't want to cycle over the holidays and be a crazy hormonal wacked out B****. Hubs was able to talk me down from going postal (thank you letrozole... for nothing), and said that we would take the rest of this year off to make whatever changes we needed to and get whatever tests/surgeries we need out of the way and then try again next Feb/March.

I feel so defeated. I wanted this to be the end, but now I'm looking at another 5-6 months of this crap. I don't want to do the surgery until next year so that I can meet my max out of pocket for the year in Jan, and also pay for all of it with my flex-spending. But I didn't want to do any more medicated cycles. If Hubs' SA comes back below normal (which he has finally conceded to doing because I REFUSE to do IUI with injectibles if he isn't part of the problem), we'll end up doing IUIs, which means crazy wacked out Elle next year.

I have another appt with Dr D in the morning and Hubs is going to go with me so that we can map out our new plan WITH Dr D, instead of my presenting him with our ideal every time I go in. Then he can tell us what we need to do, and we can get everything scheduled.

Every time something like this happens, I often think of the line, "The best laid plans of mice and men...." I resigned myself long ago to the fact that circumstances change plans and we just have to deal with it. *sigh*