In the Middle

I have been really bad about updating my blog for the past year, and today I realized that I was doing myself a major disservice, especially when we're cycling. You see, I often times refer back to my blog during any cycle to see if I can pinpoint when certain events happened to help me figure out if I experienced certain symptoms before. Well this time, I hope I haven't done myself the biggest disservice of all.

Right now I am CD10 and have been giving myself Menopur injections for the past 6 days. I have 3-5 more days to go. This is significant because this is my first cycle that is 100% out-of-pocket, my first cycle with daily injectibles, and my first IUI in 5 years. I've only had one IUI before, and it was so long ago, it was before I was blogging.

The first few days on the Menopur I didn't notice anything as far as side effects. I found that giving myself abdominal shots was actually very easy, partly because I have lost a lot of feeling in my abdomen from all of my surgeries. I don't feel the needle go in for the first few millimeters at all. By the time I do feel it, the needle is almost all of the way in.

I thought I was going to skate by with no side-effects, but a couple of days ago I started to notice I was having some pregnancy-like symptoms. Mostly that anything and everything in regard to food made me want to vomit, especially the thought of meat in any form. I have been going to my favorite restaurants for lunch, and can't find anything on the menu that doesn't sound completely disgusting. I go back and forth between starving and wanting to vomit, without eating in between. In addition to those symptoms, I've had pain behind my eyes. It doesn't bother me if I'm looking forward, but if I try to look out of the corners of my eyes, it aches.

I realize it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I'm just documenting my symptoms just in case we do an injectible cycle again, which is very possible because we found out Hubs' insurance covers fertility treatments. So next year we are switching to his insurance, and if we don't get pregnant this year, all of our cycles will be covered next year!

I definitely feel the Menopur working, especially today. I've had a lot of twinging today. I am most worried that I will be overstimulated and the cycle will be cancelled because this is the last cycle we're going to do this year. I am also worried that my sonogram on Monday will be too late. I am afraid I will have either already ovulated, or be in the process of it. So I'm torn between trying to get in for a sono on Sunday and having to pay $450+ for it, or waiting until Monday and paying less than $400.

So far I have taken $450 in shots, tomorrow morning will make $525. By the time I am done with the Menopur, I will have given myself at least $750 in shots. The sonogram will cost us around $400, assuming we only need one. The hCG trigger will be $85. The IUI will be $385. There is at least one doctor appointment in there that will run less than $300. Last time I added it all up, we were in this almost $3k. The idea of only having to pay copays for all of this next year if we have to... AWESOME! SO AWESOME!

If everything looks good on Monday, we'll end up triggering Monday night and doing the IUI Wednesday morning.

Two months ago I was so excited to do IUI. I just knew it would work. But now that I'm in the middle of the cycle, I find that I am keeping my feelings neutral to numb. I keep thinking of all my blog friends who have done IUIs and IVF before me, taking the same meds, and have nothing to show for it. I find thinking about that brings me down.

Obviously I hope this cycle works and we can be done. Sadly, I am getting to the point where I almost hope we get pregnant with twins because of all the crap we've been through trying to get pregnant. I have never wanted twins. But at this point, I've done and spent more TTC #2 than I did for #1. I feel like I should really have something to show for it. That thought is, well, there are too many words to describe how I feel when I think about it. Put simply, it sucks.

So there is the cycle dump. Now I can sleep tonight knowing everything is documented for posterity. Go me!