Sunday, January 19, 2014

Don't Judge Me

I am a working mother. I work 40 hours a week, and spend about an hour going to and from work, including picking up kids from school and daycare. I get an hour for lunch every day. My days start at 7:00 a.m. and end somewhere around 10:00, with me in bed by about 11:00 and maybe, if I'm lucky, asleep by midnight.

From Monday to Friday I am working, going to meetings, stressing, meeting deadlines, socializing with coworkers to keep my sanity, working, stressing, and so on. I usually don't make it home until an hour before our bedtime routine begins. I get one hour to feed Little Bean, play with the baby, do a little tidying, and whatever else demands immediate attention. Then its time to bathe the baby and get her ready for bed. After which, it is time to get everyone else ready for bed, including getting Little Bean bathed, into pajamas, spending some snuggle time with her, then putting her to bed; feeding the dogs, the fish, and the gerbils; getting myself showered and ready for bed; and then hopefully spending an hour or so snuggling with Hubs before its time to go to bed.

Do I make choices with my time? Absolutely. Do I feel like I always make those choices wisely? No, not always.

As a working mom, there are not enough hours in the day to get everything done that needs to be. My house constantly look like a tornado named after Little Bean tore through it. Most days I choose to spend time with my hard-won babies instead of cleaning, putting the latter off until the weekend. My kitchen always has dishes in the sink. I constantly have dog fur tumble weeds hiding near baseboards and under furniture. There is a layer of dust on almost all surfaces. My carpets could stand to be vacuumed twice a week, instead of one. But I try to make my kids a priority. It doesn't always work that way because sometimes the mess stresses me out so much, I can't stand another minute looking at the chaos. So, some days I clean at the expense of being with my kids.

When my children need to go to the doctor, I have to take them during a workday. Same thing if I have to go to the doctor, or the dogs have to go to the vet. I have to schedule my home life around meetings and workloads. When my children are sick, I get to work from home.

On my weekends I get two days a week to play catchup. Two days to:
  • Clean the house (no small task)
  • Vacuum the entire house
  • Really good and clean the kitchen
  • Do 4+ loads of laundry, fold it, and put it away
  • Wash the fountain dog water dish
  • Clean the gerbil cage
  • Clean the fish tank (yes, this needs to be done weekly)
  • Grocery shop, which usually includes going to 3+ stores
  • Put gas in the car
Add to this mix any "extra-curricular" activities, such as shopping for clothes or fun, going to out for enjoyment, etc.

The problem is, by the time the weekend rolls around, I am so exhausted that when I wake up on Saturday mornings all I want to do is climb back into bed. I usually try to drag myself around the house to clean, or go out to the store to get some weekly shopping in. My thought process is usually wondering what I can push off to a night during the week, knowing full well that if I don't do it on the weekend, it won't get done. Most Saturdays I make the choice to take a much needed nap. My weeks are long, stressful, and draining. I just can't muster the energy to catch up around the house.

I was raised Christian, and as such, that Sundays were meant to be a day of rest. I try very hard to not go out on Sundays, but some weeks I am so behind I have to go out and do our weekly grocery shopping, or mow the lawn, or finish cleaning the house. As a working mom, I don't get much of a break. I have to do everything stay-at-moms do in a couple hours during the week, or on my weekends.

Is my working a choice? Yes and no. I enjoy working. I wish that I could work part time to find a better balance between work and family, but my job is full-time. I love what I do and where I work and the people I work with.

I do the best I can for my children. I try to give them everything I can to make sure they grow up well-adjusted, knowing they were loved, and that their mom did the best she could by them. We put them in the best schools and in the most loving, caring hands for daycare. They don't want for much.

All I ask for at the end of the day is to be appreciated and to have my efforts recognized. I am asking to be respected for what I do; everything that I do. I am not asking for a pity party, and I sure as hell am not asking to be judged. I always tell my family I am amazing, but I'm not so amazing that I can do everything all at once. Sometimes my house is a disaster. Sometimes I shop on Sunday. Sometimes I drink caffeine to keep me going. But dammit, I am doing the best I can.

I am a working mother.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A Long Dry Spell

I think three months is officially the longest I have gone without blogging since I started back in 2007. To be honest, the only reason I'm doing it now is because I have to babysit a download to prevent it from failing, it is 10:30 p.m., and my kids are in bed.

Why has it been so long? Well, having two kids is more work than I realized it was going to be. That combined with the holidays left no time for blogging, and put it to the furthest thing from my mind. I don't have time to update or read, so I don't stress about it and just don't do it. I'm writing all of this so that Sweet Pea understands one day why I didn't blog about all of her babyhood. That being said, she has a better kept baby book than Baby Bean did. lol

Obviously a lot has gone on in the past three months. Little Bean got to go trick-or-treating four times at Halloween and dressed up as So.fia the F.irst or Rapun.zel, depending on how she felt that day. Sweet Pea dressed up as an adorable sheep. Apparently I don't have those pictures on my computer, so here is another one from that month instead. This is one of my all-time favorite pictures of the girls.

The biggest and best is that Sweet Pea went on her first vacation! We took the family to Disney World in November and met my little brother there for a week of good times. Little Bean LOVED Disney World. Sweet Pea didn't care a whole lot. She did get to go on a couple of rides, but she slept a lot. I bought her a new stroller for the trip so that it was compact enough to travel, yet would almost completely recline and had an awesome sunshade. That stroller was put through it paces and passed with flying colors.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from that trip.

Shortly after returning home from that trip, and the day before Thanksgiving, I had foot surgery. I'm still stuck in a boot for a few more days, and can't wait to get it off.

Next came Christmas, and it was a big one. Sadly, Sweet Pea got tired about half way through and had to go down for a nap before she could see all of her gifts. Luckily, Little Bean didn't mind helping unwrap all of them in her absence.

Little Bean got her first bike, complete with training wheels; a whole bunch of books, both beginning reader books for her and bedtime story books; tons of Disney princess stuff; lots of So.pia the F.irst toys; and other miscellaneous things.

Sweet Pea got a "Ro.ll Arou.nd Car" that doesn't actually move, a bunch of interactive baby toys, and some clothes.

Things going on with Sweet Pea:
  • She's still wearing her helmet, but her head looks so AWESOME. I can't believe the difference. Now we are just waiting for her to be able to pull herself into a sitting position, and its So Long Helmet!
  • At 8-months-old she still has yet to break through a tooth.
  • She loves to sit unassisted and play with her toys.
  • Her favorite mode of getting around is rolling.
  • She talks up a storm! Her favorite word is "mama" (YES!).
  • She LOVES her big sister and lights up whenever she walks in the room. Only sister can get her to giggle the way she does.
  • She cries when I leave the room.
  • She loves to be held and to snuggle. In fact, I think she prefers it most times. When all else fails to soothe her, snuggle.
Little Bean still loves being a big sister more than anything. It is the best thing in the world to sit and snuggle with my girls.

Well, I think that is it for me for now. Its bedtime, and I am one tired mama. Until next time!

P.S. Spelling mistakes are likely, as I hurried to write this and am not spell checking before posting. :D