I knew by January 7th of 2011 that it was not going to be my year. What happened? I was two weeks late for my period for the first time ever in my life and found out on that day I was not pregnant. Right after receiving the phone call about my BFN, we got a phone call saying my husband's truck had been hit in a parking lot. NOT good omens!
Three more times over the year I was late and not pregnant. I ended up back in the IF trenches, despite my hopes, and never saw one tiny bit of success. The whole year on that front was full of stepping further and further backward. I ended up doing full medicated cycles for more than 3/4 of the year. I don't even want to think of how many hours I spent at the RE's office, or how much money was flushed in the name of baby, all in vain.
As if my own infertile problems weren't enough, my Sadie dog had and lost a whole litter of 5 pups. One of THE WORST experiences of my life. I can't even describe the pain I feel even to this day when I think about those 48 hours from the moment I walked in the front door to the blood everywhere and the dead puppy to the moment the vet called to tell me he had performed a c-section on the remaining two pups that were stillborn to the moment I realized the one puppy that had survived had just died in my hands at 24-hours-old.
Emotionally, this year was a roller coaster. A horrible, awful roller coaster I couldn't get off of no matter what I did. My relationships were affected. My work was affected. My family was affected.
Even though the year was crap, and I couldn't wait to see the end of it shortly after it started, not all of it sucked.
We went on our first family vacation to Cancun and bought a time share so we can visit the white sand beaches every single year, or go somewhere else in the world... like Scotland. :D
Maggie had her first litter of pups, two of the three survived and are now in very loving homes with two great people. One of whom I work with, and the other is my mother-in-law, so I will get to see him often.
I got a new car. I finally, finally got a new car! And I LOVE it.
I actually got away from the crazy drive to have another baby. Do I still want another one? Yes. But my fight against infertility no longer defines me. It no longer rules my world. I do what I have to do, and I take each hurdle as it comes without caring one way or the other. I have a gorgeous baby girl. I've already won.
Baby Bean was potty trained, and we moved away from diapers. And last week we moved the last of the baby items out of her room and up into the attic. Her nursery changed to a little girl's room that she just loves.
And you know what? I am so excited for this next year. We already have two vacations planned, one of which is booked. You guessed it, we're going to Cancun again! Then we are planning on going to California in the fall. Our plan from here on out? Two vacations a year.
I also feel really good about our baby chances this year. I am going to have a laparoscopy next month to check everything out and clear out some endo on my ovaries that has resurfaced. We also found out at the end of 2011, I am not the only problem. We both are. So Hubs is doing what he has to, and we're going to go from there. (As a Christmas present I was told our only chance of a pregnancy was IVF. Oh well.)
I plan on trying to breed the dogs again in the fall. The vet says he doesn't think Sadie can, but I'm going to try anyway. I just feel so hopeful.
I just feel like this year is going to be good. It is going to be our year. We just had two really crappy years in a row, and now it is time to have a good one again. It has started out on the right foot, and I am determined it will stay this way.