Birth Control? Not Necessary

My OB has asked both before and after Sweet Pea was born if we intended to go on birth control. Both times I laughed and told her it was not necessary. First, we are in the small percentage of the small percentage of people who are infertile. In other words, 1 in 8 couples is infertile; of the 1 in 8, very few fall into the category where both the male and female parties are considered infertile. Well, we fall in latter. To us, that means if we get pregnant again, well then God must really want us to have that baby, and who are we to say no.

There have been times I thought about getting an IUD because I honestly want to be done having babies for so many reasons:

1. My last pregnancy was very uncomfortable, and I was unable to eat for the last 3 months of it, and not due to morning sickness.
2. Childcare for three or more kids would be expensive to astronomical.
3. Traveling with three or more kids would be difficult both financially and logistically, and we all know that this family loves to travel.
4. Our house isn't big enough for more than two kids, and we have zero intention of moving. 
5. I'm getting too old for this sleep deprivation crap.
6. I'm just getting too old, period.

But as soon as I have thought about all of the above, my heart hurts a little. Its kind of a sad thought to think I am done having babies. Maybe because it makes me feel old to think we're done. Maybe because expecting a little bundle is so exciting. Maybe because my hormones still haven't finished re-regulating themselves after the birth of Sweet Pea. Maybe a combination of all of them. Whatever the reason, I always come back to the thought: If we get pregnant again, against major odds, then God must really want us to have them. I can't argue with that. 

I know that if we get another baby, we will consider it as much as miracle as we do Little Bean and Sweet Pea, and we will love it as much as we do them. A part of me even wants to tempt fate at times. You know, like in that 6 weeks postpartum where they tell you not to indulge because you are stupid fertile and will more than likely get pregnant again. Or even during this first 6 months postpartum when you are more fertile than normal. I kind of want another baby. But then I go back to asking myself why and revisit all of the "maybes".

At the end of the day, none of the above matters. If we get another baby, then we will be overjoyed that we overcame the odds that are so heavily stacked against us, and we will accept the baby with open arms. If we don't get any more babies, then we are just fine with that and travel the world with the two we already have. We're not going to try for more, but we're also not going to bother with trying to prevent. What will be, will be.

A Picture Post

I don't really have much to say about the last few weeks. Sweet Pea is such a wonderful baby. She hardly ever fusses, and when she does it is usually because she is tired, has gas, or is pooping. Outside of those things, she is such a sweet, content baby. She loves to just look around and be held. She is already holding her head up really well and has for a while now. I got my first smiles almost two weeks ago, the day before she turned 5 weeks old. Today she smiled at me while she was eating her bottle. I love the feeling of euphoria that goes through me when I see those smiles.

I am so in love with this baby, that the word love doesn't seem to cut it. She has already had a couple of 5-hour stretches between feedings at night, going from 10:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m. During this time she sleeps so soundly that I sometimes can't fall asleep until I hear her make a noise.

I took her to get her newborn pictures earlier this week, and you can tell she is a mama's girl because she is almost smiling in all of the pictures where I'm holding her. So for my parents, here are pictures from Sweet Pea's first photo shoot.

And even though it is a little bit late, here is her 1-month picture.

Little Bean absolutely LOVES being a big sister. I have to keep a constant eye on her to make sure she doesn't try to hold the baby while Hubs and I aren't around. There have been a couple of occasions where she has tried. She constantly wants to hold, kiss, and hug the baby. I seriously could not be happier. Little Bean loves her sister the way I hoped she would.

Other exciting things happening right now are we are having new windows installed in our 20-year-old house today. We are really excited about that. Hopefully our AC units will run much less than 20 hours a day this summer. We have 20 windows in our house, and five of those are 6' x 9', so they are rather large. In addition to that fun, we booked a trip to Disney World for later this year. Yep, I'm feeling pretty spoiled, as always.

Life is really good right now, and I am soaking up every second.

3 Weeks In

It has been 3 weeks since Sweet Pea was born, and man has a lot happened in that time. I don't even know where to begin. First of all, I have been blessed with a seriously wonderful baby. She is so chill I can hardly believe it (knock on wood). I really hope she stays this way because as of right now, I don't think word "fussy" is in her vocabulary. *PLEASE STAY THAT WAY!*

Sleep deprivation has been as brutal as I remembered, but at least this time I am making serious efforts to sleep when I can. Not many people know this, but I suffered from PPD after the birth of Little Bean. It all started with the sleep deprivation, and then an unexplainable refusal to sleep that spiraled into PPD. I know that most of time when I cry these days it is more a result of sleep deprivation than baby blues. I just do not do well on small amounts of sleep, so only getting in 2-hour stretches when I'm lucky is really hard on me. The good news in that department is Sweet Pea has finally regained her birth weight, and we've had two nights with 4-hour stretches between feedings (including last night)! Hoorah!

As for feeding, well, breast feeding kicked my trash and I am officially out. All last week I was constantly battling clogged ducts. They were pure torture and I couldn't work them out myself. I had to have Hubs keep helping me get them out. As soon as we'd conquer one, I'd get another. It was non-stop for days until I finally begged Hubs to let me throw in the towel. I tried. I gave it my all. I bought a different pump, I rented a pump, I was constantly on the phone with my lactation consultant, but in the end, I lost. It took 36 hours, 8 heads of cabbage, and a tube of Cabo Cream to get me over the engorgement hump. It was an extremely unpleasant 36 hours. Luckily I have Hubs who is seriously amazing and supportive to help me get through it. He took over all of the feedings the first night, which was really sweet because it was a Thursday night and he had to work the next day. I wish I could say it is all done, but I have a few ducts that still refuse to give up. At least I can hold my baby to me without being in pain now.

I don't even know where to start when it comes to Hubs. He has been beyond this world incredible. I can't believe how much he has taken over and never once made a deal about it. He has taken on everything with such grace and love. There is no question in my mind that this man loves me and loves me dearly. Luckily his employer thinks as highly of him as I do, so they have let him work from home to help me out since the baby was born. So in addition to working his 40+ hours a week, he takes care of Little Bean almost 100%, he takes care of me as much as I need him to, and he helps out with the baby as much as I need him to. On top of that, he takes care of all of the other things that come up around the house. I don't know how he does it, and I can't believe how graciously he handles it. I feel like there is nothing I can do to show how much I appreciate everything he has taken on. Everything seems so small in comparison. The man definitely owns the title of Super Man. I am so incredibly blessed, and I know it. Most men wouldn't do half the stuff he has been, and most of the ones who would, would complain about it, but not my man.

Little Bean did well with everything for the first little while, but the last couple of days she has really been acting out. She's been doing all kinds of things she knows she isn't supposed to do, and some of them seem downright blatant. She loves the baby, there is no question, but she has taken advantage of the fact that I am spending so much time taking care of the baby and myself, and that Hubs is operating above capacity for a normal human being. I am honestly surprised our gerbils are still in their cage with as often as she's had their door open and been playing in their cage. Her acting out makes me feel like a horrible mother because we are constantly getting after her for one thing after another. All she wants is a little more attention. I sat with her at bedtime last night and just cried. I know it will get better, but man this is hard!

When Little Bean was born, I lamented the passing of every day. I hated how time was slipping through my fingers, which is part of the reason I refused to sleep. This time, I am glad for the passing of each day because it means we are closer to getting through the difficult parts of having a newborn, and closer to being able to fully enjoy my family while not being sleep deprived. Don't get me wrong, I love having my newborn, especially since we are done having babies. I just need to get to a point where I feel like I have my feet under me again. Thank heaven I have such an amazing husband to help me get there.

The Birth of a Miracle

Exactly one week ago today I gave birth to our second miracle. Because I was high risk, we had to deliver Sweet Pea at 37 weeks to prevent contractions. By the time the day rolled around, I was more than ready to be done with pregnancy and to finally hold my little miracle in my arms, the baby we had fought so hard and long for, and that I had been through so much to bring into this world.

My c-section was scheduled for 7:30 in the morning, so we had to be to the hospital by 6:00. I don't really remember what time they rolled me down to the OR, but I cried. I always cry when I'm being wheeled down to any surgery. I cried the whole time they were putting in my spinal, and I cried for sometime afterward. I think they started before Hubs was even in the room, or at least it felt like it. It seemed like it took forever before they actually get in there and got the baby. It felt like forever before I heard the sounds of them suctioning up amniotic fluid.

The first time I heard Sweet Pea cry, I just sobbed. I could not believe she was finally here. Here, safe and sound, pink and crying. Beautiful. Perfect. Wanted more than anything.

They held her up over the curtain for me to see, and it was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.
She came in at 6 lbs 11 oz and 19.25" long.

The baby was taken off to the nursery for her first bath with daddy in tow while I was cleaned up and sewn back together. I spent a bit of time in Labor and Delivery before being wheeled to my room to hold my sweet baby.

The rest of the day is a bit of a blur. I tried to sleep while Hubs worked and I waited for the spinal to wear off.

Sometime around 5:00, Hubs went home to get my parents and Little Bean. I had been waiting for months to introduce Little Bean to her sister, and the moment had finally arrived. She was so excited, and the moment could not have been more perfect. She fell in love instantly.

Little Bean was excited to come to the hospital every day to see the baby. She still hasn't grasped the concept of a newborn and the fact that they don't giggle when tickled, smile when you say "boo", or play with a toy set of keys, but she sure does love her little sister. She tells me every day how cute Sweet Pea is and that she loves her.

The best was when my mom was holding the baby in the hospital and Sweet Pea let out a little cry. Little Bean told grandma to be careful because Sweet Pea was her baby, not grandma's. I think these two will be very close as the years go on, just as I had hoped. If Little Bean is this excited about her sister now, just wait until the baby can play and giggle.

The past week has been easier to handle than the first couple with Little Bean. This time I knew what to expect and how to combat the baby blues. In addition, and as always, Hubs has been amazing. I cannot imagine trying to do this without such a supportive, loving partner. It is because of him that I am adjusting so well and tolerating sleep in 2-hour stretches. I hope and pray it continues this way, but I also know there will be days that are rougher than others, like the ones where Hubs will have to go into work and I'll be on my own all day. But I am thankful for the days he is here with me.

I am trying to breastfeed again, and just like last time, it is my Achilles heel. I swear I can do anything in this world except for that. At just 5 days old I had to go to pumping. I would like to get back to breastfeeding soon, and I have an awesome lactation consultant, much better than the one I had with Little Bean. I know she can help get me through this and get back to nursing my baby and not milking myself every 3 hours.

Recovery from the c-section is exactly as I expected, a cake-walk. Luckily I have a high pain tolerance for surgery and always recover quickly and easily.

The best part of recovery so far is that I am already only 4.5 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight! I only gained 17 during the pregnancy, so I knew I would come out ahead after I delivered. I don't remember the last time my legs were so tiny. I am rather relieved that unlike last time, I won't have that pesky 10 lbs hanging around months after the baby is born.

Tonight, I am a very happy mother of two. My family is finally complete, and my journey through infertility is done. A 7-year battle is finally over. All that is left now is to enjoy my little miracle babies with the most incredible husband and loving father in the world.  I am truly blessed, and I thank God every day for my family.

An Update for Mom

My mom called me the other day, concerned that I hadn't updated my blog in 3 weeks. I was surprised it had been that long, yet not at the same time. I've kind of been over blogging for a long time. As this pregnancy progresses, I find I want to focus more on family and less on singular activities, especially ones that take up hours of my time in one sitting. I'm sure I don't have to tell many of you out there how long it can take to write a post, and then how much time you spend reading and commenting on other blogs.

I haven't completely given up on blogging, because I like the way it has acted as a journal to building my family, but now I want to spend time with that family and building memories with them instead of writing about them from behind the keyboard. That being said, my posts will probably get fewer and farther in between.

The past three weeks have been crazy. We still don't have anything really set up for the baby yet, and for the most part, I don't worry about it. I know we have everything we need. Right now it is just a matter of getting things in place for the big day. We don't have a nursery and won't for a long time. We need to do some remodeling on our house first and we're still trying to find a contractor to do it. So the plan is that Sweet Pea will sleep with me until she and her room are ready for her to move into. As a result, we're finding ways to cope with not having a nursery. Her changing table will be in our bathroom. Her swing and bouncer downstairs. Things like that. We'll make it work, and I'm not stressing about it. Its true that you worry about these things less with the second baby. You already know everything will work out just fine.

Here is a belly picture from last week:

34 Weeks

I have only gained a pound in the last 2+ months and have only gained 17 lbs total with this pregnancy. I have to say it has been nice watching my problem fat areas slowly dissolving away. Don't worry about Sweet Pea though, she is getting everything she needs. At our growth scan a couple of weeks ago she was measuring a full week ahead in height. This baby continues to be a miracle in every respect.

The last few weeks of the pregnancy have been really difficult and uncomfortable. At my last appointment my doctor asked if I wanted to be put on bed rest. I asked to work part days from home instead. I don't want to use my maternity leave until my baby is in my arms. I will tough my way through all of the discomfort to ensure that happens unless there is a really good reason to go on bed rest. At this point, I think we're in the clear.

Working from home will only be difficult in that my temporary replacement starts tomorrow and I only have a couple of weeks to train him because we could not find talent in the area, so he will be working from a different state. Honestly, I want to have him trained by the end of the week so that I don't have to do much the second week. I don't know how well that will work, but that's the plan.

I had a few days this past week where I started to really think about the impact this baby is going to have on Little Bean and our relationship. She has put my fears at ease by constantly telling me how excited she is to be a big sister. She seems to be genuinely looking forward to it. This next week I will have her help me start getting things in place for the baby like getting the swing and bouncer put together.

Well, I think that's it for me. Time for some family time. Later!

90% Used, 70% Really Used

Tonight I climbed up in the attic to put together all of the boxes I need Hubs to bring down before the baby is born. Inside them are things like clothes, bibs, burp rags, etc. While moving some of the boxes, I began to hear a critter chatting at me. Fantastic. I called Hubs up just in case the critter came out, and it was then he pointed out all of the critter poop scattered around the attic. Fantastic. It isn't a big problem because most of the stuff I put up there was in plastic storage bins, but some of it is in plain old repurposed diaper cardboard boxes.

One thing that was not okay is the baby bath tub. That stupid critter actually got in and chewed the foam seat of the tub. I was a little bummed, and have decided to get rid of the tub. Luckily baby tubs are rather cheap.

As I said in my last post, there are a few things I am replacing from when Little Bean was a baby, and some things I am getting because I hated what we had last time. Easily 90% of the things this baby will use or wear is used. 70% of that is really used, as in it has been used for two of my sister's babies, and by Little Bean. Sweet Pea will be the 4th baby to use the baby carrier that I bought a new cover for. The carrier looks new because of the cover, but it is far from it. Sweet Pea will use Little Bean's crib, most of her clothes, except where they are not seasonally appropriate, and all of her old toys. Bottom line, where possible, we are reusing everything from 1-3 other babies.

In baby news, I was relieved to learn she is growing right on target when I had my monthly growth scan last Monday. This was a relief because I have not gained even 1 lb in the past 4 weeks, and as of today, make that 5 weeks. I am still up only 16.5 lbs. My doctor wants me to go see a specialist now because obviously the meds she gave me did not get my stomach working. It makes me a little sad because I really want to eat more than I do. I miss eating tasty food whenever I want. But I know anything I eat after breakfast will most likely still be hanging around by bedtime.

This past week I booked tickets for my parents to fly out when the baby is born. Everyone is pretty excited about that. My parents have only been able to see one of their grand children the day they were born, so I am enjoying the fact that this will be the second time.

In Little Bean news, we are officially completely out of diapers! She has been potty trained for over a year and a half and just been using nighttime diapers. But about a month ago, we even stopped the nighttime diapers. I've been waiting to announce this for fear of jinxing us, but I think it is now safe to celebrate. I haven't bought a box of diapers in months now! (Please refrain from commenting about how I will be back in diapers soon enough. I know.)

Other than that, life in our house goes on as normal. Thanks to daylight savings time (just another way the government robs us), it is almost time to get ready for bed, so I will be signing off now. Later!

Getting Ready

I've been getting asked a lot lately if I'm ready for the baby yet. I always laugh and say not the way the expect. Usually the people who ask are pregnant with their first, weeks behind me in their pregnancies, and as nervous as I was with Little Bean.Their nurseries are already complete, but for Sweet Pea, her room is not even yet started.

The reason she doesn't have a nursery yet is because we need to move some things around in this house, including walls, doors, and people. Even though we may only have a couple months until this little one comes home outside of the package, we will still have a couple months beyond that before she needs her own room. The bottom line, I'm not sweating the big stuff yet.

I am, however, getting ready for the baby in every other aspect. Clothes have been sorted and just need to be washed. The baby carrier is ready to go. Each week I buy something I need for the baby, whether it is for the nursery, clothes, or nursing. My focus lately has been nursing. While I didn't do well with this with Little Bean, I am determined to try again and just has hard as I did the first time. I got a new, different nursing pillow, new accessories, and am going to take a class (I didn't with Little Bean, and that was a huge mistake).

Little Bean and I went shopping for a diaper bag a few weeks ago, and because I am such a sucker, I got the bag Little Bean wanted, and not the one I thought we needed. Hubs laughs at me, and has finally talked me into taking the bag back and getting the one we need. When I do, I'll start buying some swaddle pods, wash cloths, and other small things to get us farther on our way.

One of my best friends is throwing me a baby shower and she already got me a new bassinet that is amazingly versatile and I am very excited for. If that is the only thing we get from the shower, it will be enough, since this is our second. Even though it is our second, I know from the first what I did and did not like, and what did and didn't work. Plus you always have to buy some things new.

Here are a few things I have so far:

I am really looking forward to working on the nursery. The blanket is part of the theme I'm going with, and I have some pretty grand ideas. Until we can get structural engineers and contractors out here, that will just have to wait though.

One other way I am trying to get ready is for the changes this baby will bring to Little Bean's life. Sure she thinks she's excited, but she has no idea how her life is about to change. Right now she is my little buddy. We snuggle a lot and spend a lot of time together. When she sleeps with me, we fall asleep holding hands. As much as I wish that wouldn't change once the baby is here, it will. I'll make every effort to still do those things with her AND the baby, but we all know how well our hopes and dreams can turn out. (If anyone has ideas on how to prepare an only-child for a sibling, I'm all ears!)

A few years back, when Little Bean was still a baby, I bought this doll:

It was originally intended as a gift for someone else, but then I decided to hang onto it for the day when Little Bean became a big sister. I can't believe how long it has been hidden in my closet, and I am ecstatic that it will finally get loved the way I dreamed. I am going to buy it the same baby gear the new baby will have, so Little Bean can be just like mama.

Little Bean wants to name the baby Disney Princess Marie, so hopefully she will use that name for her new baby, and not feel so bad it won't be her sister's name.

Honestly, I would love to get Little Bean a real, live bunny, but I will have my hands full enough with the new baby on top of all the pets we already have, so the bunny will have to wait.

So, am  I ready for the baby? Pretty much, yes. I am definitely not worried about our state of readiness.